Unlike animals whose quest for happiness is restricted to survival and to the immediate gratification of sensory desires, we human beings have the capacity to experience happiness at a deeper level which, when achieved, can overwhelm unhappy experiences.
- His Holiness the Dalai Lama
I ask the question only because I've never seen evidence that they do. Women seem to always be trying to reach a level of happiness that is somehow deeper than what men are content with reaching. It's the whole, 'give 'em a beer and a steak and they'll be happy' mentality. You'll know by the grunting. It sounds terrible and somewhat prejudicial, but as a woman, I've noticed that the men I have known were never really interested in doing more than scratching the surface or simply scratching...when it came to happiness. They were okay with just being content. Perhaps this is why relationships are so difficult. Women are always trying to dig in deeper and men are always trying to hover near the surface.
Unless there is some Zen-like euphoria that comes over you when you are gutting a deer, I'm not sure that men care to get as happy as they can possibly be unless they are in bed. And I don't think that qualifies as a Higher Purpose even though some men would swear that they are performing on the level of a god here. How many retreats or workshops have you seen that focus on men's self-esteem? Is this because men have all of the self-esteem they need or is it because it simply isn't a priority for them to live their lives to the fullest?
I realize that women and men are different in many ways and that men have a whole other way of looking at life than we women do. I just don't understand how their value system works. Why is it so easy for a man to drop the kids off at school and simply walk away without a second thought? Why is it so easy for a man to cheat on his wife and then look her in the eye and swear that he didn't? Why is it so easy for a man to be content with living below their potential and allowing someone else to be the go-getter? Are there men out there for whom this is not true? Is it a regional phenomenon or possibly just specific to my little piece of the universe?
I'm truly curious. Other than a Buddhist monk, what man do you know that is truly seeking their highest potential? I'm not talking about the creative types who are chasing after celebrity. That's generally all about ego and hoping to gain groupies or some other bullshit like that. I'm talking honest-to-goodness, on-a-spiritual-quest, looking for fulfillment in this life, depth. If you know of men like this, please share it with us. And for God's sake, don't forget to include a photo and phone number. ;)
Until next time...
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Friday, July 2, 2010
No offense, but do men get this?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Rona's Vision of Love...
In my last post, I talked about the importance of knowing what you want in a partner. I even threatened to have Rona come up with her own list of qualities she was looking for in a mate. Well, here it is. Rona and I sat down last week and went over some of the things that have been plaguing her relationships all these years. I asked her, (just play along), if she could list all of the traits she would want in a life partner, what would they be? Her answers were as follows:
Rona's Personal Vision of Love
He would have to like the same television shows I like...and more importantly to hate the same ones I hate.
He would need to be somewhat affectionate, but not smothering.
He would need to understand that my rear end does not need to be swatted simply because it enters his vicinity.
He would need to like most of the same music that I like...and as with television, hate the same music I hate.
He would need to be somewhat adventurous. Note, adventurous has nothing to do with being open to playing a different video game than you're used to playing. For God's sake, get off the damned couch.
He would need to be ambitious enough to look for ways to improve himself without my constant prodding.
He would need to be fairly self-sufficient, at least to the degree that I am.
He would need to actually talk and listen when we are trying to have a conversation. It would be nice to feel as though speaking with one another and enjoying it was an option.
He would need to understand that I am not prone to sitting back and relaxing. I like to be busy and I like to be doing something that means something. Oh, and it would be nice if he were somewhat interested in doing something meaningful as well.
He would need to be at least as intelligent as I am. I'm no genius, but I really hate spelling things out for people. It tends to dampen my mood when I have to explain something simple to a grown person.
Lastly, he would need to understand that I am nobody's mother. Especially not his.
Whew! Well, I'd like to say that Rona is on the right track with this, and I guess, she might be. At least she knows what she wants. In my latest Rona Shively book, This Side Up, Rona is struggling with some serious relationship anxiety. After reading the book, let me know if you think she might be on the right track with her list or if she should just hang it up altogether. You can buy the book at my website or at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.
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Wednesday, November 28, 2007
My better half...
This one's for all the ladies whose husbands or boyfriends just have to go out and chase the animals this time of year. Though I don't understand it, I know it's probably good for them and for us to have this little break.
I don't often talk about my husband here on my blog but I felt it was time to acknowledge his presence. For the first time in years, my husband has gone away on a hunting trip. He left a couple of days ago and will be back this evening. This was alot harder for me than I thought it would be. Not only did I have to keep up with all of the household demands by myself, I really did miss him. We've been married almost eight years and he's only gone away one other time. He's been around for so long that I guess I often take him for granted. Being away from him for a few days has given me a true appreciation of what it means to be part of a couple.
It means having someone to tell you that you forgot to lock the doors at night. It means having someone to take out the trash. It means having one more pair of eyes to look after your child when you're busy doing everything else. It means having someone to get that oil change that you've put off for months while you take care of the grocery shopping. It means having someone who will tell you if the Christmas tree looks ok after you put it together. It means having someone hang pictures for you so that your house isn't decorated at eye level. It means having someone to bounce your ideas off of when you have a bad case of writer's block. It means having someone around who can reach the stuff on the top shelf in the kitchen cupboard. It means having someone around to drink the other half of that pot of coffee in the morning. It means having someone around to answer the phone when you don't feel like talking. It means having someone to blame your PMS on. It means having an extra pair of hands to carry in library books. It means having one more kiss at bedtime and one more hug when you leave the house. It means more than I usually think about.
I know others who have gone through divorce and I have felt awful for them because I can't imagine how terrible that must be. Though I often grumble about him, he is the greatest guy I know and I can't imagine how life would be without him. Anyone who could put up with me and my moods for eight long years has to be something special. I may not be happy to see the ten-point buck he's bringing back, but I know that I'll be glad to see my sweetheart when he finally gets back tonight.
Until next time...
A Little Bit of Mystery: Short Mysteries to Confuse and Amuse
