Rona Shively has always been kind of a boob when it comes to relationships. She can't decide whether she wants something serious or she's content just having a fling here and there. It's not that she's a tramp, really. It's more that she hasn't taken the time to sit down and think about what it is that she wants in a partner. I had the fortunate experience of doing this back in 1999 when I took a class in college called Divorce and Remarriage.
It may seem a little strange that I would take this class since I had neither been married, divorced nor remarried at the time I took the class, but it really served as a wake-up call for me. Up to that point, no offense to the guys I've dated, I had really picked some losers. I'm not sure why I did it, but I seemed to gravitate towards men who had absolutely nothing to offer in the way of emotional stability, support and even romance. I recently pulled some of my old school papers from that class and found one of the assignments (along with years of therapy) that helped me get past my emotional stupidity. The assignment was to make a list of things that I was looking for in a man. The teachers, a married couple, called this a "Personal Vision of Love." Here are some of the things that made my list:
He will believe in the importance of self-exploration.
He will value family.
He will be willing to share his hopes and fears with me.
He will understand how my past experiences have shaped the person I am today.
He will have similar recreational interests to my own.
He will have his own spirituality.
He will be down-to-earth.
He will respect himself and me.
He will enjoy working.
He will evolve.
Nice list. I seemed to have all figured out at one point. The good news is that it was only a few months after I wrote these things when I met my husband and we started dating. One year later, we were married. Now, ten years later, I'm absolutely sure I was onto something when I wrote the list, but that's a discussion for another time. For now, let's focus on how this sort of list might help Rona.
If Rona Shively were to make a list of the things she wants in a man. What do you think she would include? Send me your thoughts and I will publish her list here in a few days. I'm interested in seeing your ideas on this one!
Don't forget to order your copy of This Side Up: The Rona Shively Stories at my website today! I'm running a special right now on Keeping the Faith and This Side Up. If you buy them together, you can get them both for $20! That includes shipping! Stop by my website today to order yours!
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Saturday, February 13, 2010
Love Stinks, But Sadly I'm Used to the Smell...
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Read an excerpt from This Side Up!
From Chapter One...
I slammed the phone down with somewhat unnecessary force; slumping in my chair like a woman who had spent the better part of the day trying to convince herself that she really didn’t need one man while fretting over not being able to get an altogether different man on the phone. Ah, the irony.
As I pondered this, there was a knock at my door. It was most likely the pizza, but I checked the peephole anyway to make sure. I didn’t see anyone there, so I opened the door cautiously. I’d been fooled by this trick before. I peered outside to see if anyone was waiting to club me over the head, but no one was there. That was odd; I could have sworn someone had been at the door. Maybe I was hearing things. I shut the door and went into my kitchen to see if I had anything to drink in the refrigerator. I opened it up and looked inside. One can of Coke and a couple of bottles of beer. I grabbed the Coke and opened it.
As I took a swig, there was another knock at the door. I was pretty sure it was actually a knock this time. I set the can down on the counter and went over to the door. This time, I reached into my purse which was hanging on its hook near the door and grabbed my gun. I held it at the ready as I looked through the peephole again. This time, I saw the pizza delivery guy standing there holding my pizza, grinning like an idiot. What the hell did he have to be so happy about? He was a pizza delivery guy for Christ’s sake.
I opened the door, still holding my gun. The boy’s eyes grew wide as he saw it in my hand.
“Don’t worry,” I said, “it’s not for you.” I smiled reassuringly and handed him a $20 bill to cover the cost of my order. “Keep the change, dear.”
He handed me the pizza and the Coke and then backed away from me without saying a word. I’d tipped him about four bucks, so in addition to not getting shot, I’d say he did pretty well on this order.
Pre-Order your signed copy today at my website!
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Sunday, January 24, 2010
This Side Up: The Rona Shively Stories
The newest installment in the Rona Shively series is set to be out on February 4th! I'm giving away free copies to five lucky individuals who subscribe to my blog or to my Rona Shively Newsletter. You can be included in the drawing by going to my website and subscribing or simply becoming a follower here at Benston Blogs. The newsletter is quarterly, so you won't be bombarded with Rona Shively stuff every day of your life...unless of course, you request it. In that case, I'd be happy to e-mail you with more frequency and tell you to buy my books, read my books, give my books away as gifts....etcetera, etcetera...
This Side Up is another big mess. Rona is trying to make some big decisions and becomes involved in helping a teenager figure out whether or not she was adopted. In the process, Rona learns that there is just no end to the terrible things that people will do to one another when they have no direction in their lives.
Still searching for some sense of her own purpose, Rona tries her best to help this girl figure out what's going on and why. By the end of this book, Rona is, as always, even more confused than she was to start with.
I'm now accepting pre-orders for This Side Up. Anyone who orders between now and January 31st will get their signed copy for just $12.95. That includes shipping! Check out my book trailer and order your copy of This Side Up at the Rona Shively website!
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Sunday, December 27, 2009
Stop, you're both right...
Dear children, let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions. 1 John 3:18 (NLT)
This week, I've seen a wonderful thing. I've witnessed a most uplifting outpouring of kindness as I watched people bring my sister and her son gifts, clothes and money to help them get through Christmas after having been burned out of their house by a fire on Monday night. It was touching to see so many people giving and giving to a person whom they didn't know, a person who could have been any number of things besides just another human being who was suffering. No one asked her if she was a Christian, or if she believes in God, or if she attends a church in town. People really just wanted to help. I believe that this is what God intends. He wants us to help one another and he doesn't want strings attached. It has always been my understanding that when you are trying to help someone, you are not focused on who they are or what they stand for. You are focused on helping them through whatever it is that they are going through and hoping that you have done all you can without making them feel obligated to do something in return.
So, it got me thinking. My sister was helped by a couple of churches and many, many, churchgoing folks. My sister does not currently go to church. In fact, she believes in some things that scare Christians. I also believe in some things that would scare Christians. But the bottom line is that we both believe in God and have faith that He is leading us on this journey and that whatever He wants to do in our lives is what we must accept and hold as right. We see God's beauty in all things and understand that there is not just one right way to connect with Him. In fact, I feel that to believe that there is only one right way to speak to God is somewhat shortsighted and I'll tell you why. There have been many times in my life when I know that God was right there with me. Many times when I couldn't have been further from being a good Christian woman. I'm still working on being a good Christian woman, but I can look back and see that he pulled me through things that I never should have come through as a sinner who refused, not just put off going, but REFUSED to go to church. I know that there was a time in my life when I was so angry with Him that I worried I would never find my way back to Him. And, if it hadn't been for a constant connection to him through meditation and through constantly looking for answers to the questions I had by exploring other religions and ways of worship, I would never have been able to set foot in a church again.
The point is that He was listening even though I wasn't in church. He was listening even when I wasn't sure if I was a Buddhist, a Wiccan, or a Baptist. He was listening and I'm still here, ready to do what I can to live His will for me.
As the pastor at one of the churches we attend now said at one of the sermons this month, you won't get to heaven by simply going to church. You won't get there by tithing, you won't get there by doing the things you think are what good Christians are supposed to do. At least, you won't get there by doing these things without having this one most important thing: love for God. If you don't love God, no matter what form He takes in your life, you cannot get to heaven. If you don't love God, you can't do His work. You can go through the motions, but you're really only doing these things for yourself and your own gratification. If He isn't at the heart of everything you are doing, then it isn't really for Him.
It's been so hard for me to focus on writing and promoting my books these days because I've been trying to fix my own slanted perceptions of just exactly who I'm doing all of this for. If it isn't for Him, then it isn't worth the time. Yes, it is fun to write and yes, I hope people enjoy what I write, but more than that, I really want to write things that bring people closer to Him. Going into 2010, I'm hoping my work will be worthy of what God wants me to put out there for you. If I'm quiet, you know I'm still working on it.
Here's hoping that you have a wonderful New Year's and that 2010 brings you closer to what matters most in your heart.
3~So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment? 4~Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance? Romans 2:3-4 (New International Version)
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A Little Bit of Mystery: Short Mysteries to Confuse and Amuse
