It's been almost a month since my last post and I'm really forcing myself to sit down and write this one. You see, it's been a rough month. On May 1st, I moved out of my husband's home and set out to live on my own. I took my daughter, my cats, and my stuff and that was that. The move had been a long time coming and didn't seem to make sense to some people who thought that everything in our marriage was just peachy. But in so many ways, it was clear that we had become two people who were moving along on very different paths and in directions opposite one another.
Why write this now? Well, because I'm sitting here and I'm wondering what to do with myself and writing seemed like a good option. I'm not going to go into great detail about our differences here. The point I'm trying to make with this post is that sometimes, things just aren't meant to be. Like for instance, I have been trying and trying and trying to write this book on Women's Self-Esteem for the last three years or so. Every time I got started on it, I would stall. I couldn't get past the fact that I was feeling so unempowered in my own relationships that I had no business writing anything to empower anyone else.
I'm not sure if the changes I have made in my life will make a difference in my ability to go back and finish that book or not, but I'm sure they will play a huge role in my decision to keep or scrap the whole thing. And who knows? Maybe I just liked the idea of writing something like that because I needed to feel empowered. Maybe that isn't the book I'm supposed to write. Maybe I'm meant to write something altogether different from what I once thought I needed to say. I know one thing; forcing the issue doesn't make it any easier to write the words. Just like forcing myself to stay married didn't make it any easier to love my husband.
There are things we hold onto, for whatever reason, that sometimes only serve to give us a good excuse not to be what we are meant to be. If we allow ourselves to remain stuck in the belief that the idea we had about ourselves years ago is still the best idea even after years of changes, triumphs, defeats, achievements, failures, ups, downs, losses and gains, then we will never move any further along our paths than where we once stood. And we'll stand there, gazing longingly into the great beyond wondering what the hell we're doing still standing there.
I for one, hate standing still. I try to be a good person and do what makes others happy. Sometimes, though, it isn't possible to make everyone happy no matter how many ways you twist yourself up. Sometimes, you just have to let it all unravel and see what you can make from the pieces once it's all been disassembled. I figure I'll approach it like the guy on Airplane! who looks at his newspaper and says, "I can make a hat. I can make a brooch..." Seems like an optimistic way to go and a hell of a lot more fun that what I've been having lately.
Hanging in there until next time. ;)
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Saturday, May 22, 2010
Long time, no post...
Thursday, April 2, 2009
The Best Advice I Ever Got...
came from the book, The Right to Write by Julia Cameron. In her book, she said, "Put the drama on the page..." or something along those lines. No matter how it was phrased, it works. She was referring to channeling your emotional energy into writing and not letting everyday drama bog you down. When I read this, I thought, "Wow, that makes sense!" Why hadn't I thought of that before? Well, probably because I've been hip-deep in drama my entire life and it never occurred to me that I didn't have to be until recently. All this time, I had loads of material just waiting to become a bestselling novel. Well...maybe just a widely read short story...or...poem...ok, a haiku???
In any case, I've struggled with various issues over the years; some of them not so pretty. But once they were written down, they didn't seem so daunting and I was able to get through them. Not exactly journalling, just processing what is going on around me through the written word has been an invaluable tool for coping with day to day stress and anxiety. For example, when I miscarried last year for the fifth time, I wrote an article called, "Empty." This article was meant to be a way of processing my pain and helping me to understand my feelings. It did just that and as an added bonus, it ended up being published by Alive Magazine earlier this year. It's coming up on a year since the loss and truthfully, I feel that the article gave me a sense of closure on the matter and it isn't as painful to discuss or even think about as it was before I wrote about it.
Some things have been bogging me down lately and I have a suspicion that this is because I haven't taken enough time to write down my feelings about what has been going on in my life. When I write, I somehow transfer all of that emotional energy onto the page and it doesn't seem so overwhelming as it did floating around in my head. I can always tell when I haven't been writing enough, too, because I feel edgy and disconnected from myself.
For those of you who write, does your writing help you to cope with the stress in your life? Do you find it therapeutic beyond the sense of accomplishment you get from simply getting your ideas out? Or is it just me? :)
I don't know about you, but I certainly feel better just having written this post.
Until next time...
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Saturday, October 13, 2007
The Evolution of Rona Shively...
The thing I enjoy about some of my favorite authors is that they share the emotional ups and downs of the character with readers. I think it is important for the writer to be able to feel the emotions of the character as they write. If you are scared, angry, happy or sad as you write a chapter, you’ve probably done something right.
As I am in the process of writing the third book in the Rona Shively series, I wanted to talk a little bit about how this character has changed over the course of the first two books. I like the fact that she is evolving and growing with each chapter. I hope that the readers have been able to sympathize with her as she deals with the ups and downs of relationships, financial difficulties, and just plain living.
I plan to put her through her paces in book three by having her face up to things that even I, the author, am not sure I can handle. As I write about some of these things, I feel them in the pit of my stomach and I hope that I will be able to draw upon personal experience to find the right words to capture the emotional intensity of the moment.
When I read a book, I expect to get caught up in the main character’s turmoil. I want to feel as though I am walking right alongside them, figuring it all out. Who are the writers that invite you into their stories? I’m interested in hearing from readers on this one. What significant passages have made you never want to put that book down? I know that for me, I hated to finish reading any of Lisa Scottoline’s books. Scottoline has a way of making you understand where her characters are coming from. She digs in and gives you the details so clearly that you can even smell the food cooking in her stories.
When it comes down to it, that’s what we really want. We need to be there, holding onto our favorite character, making sure that they go in the direction we want them to go. Or, if they don’t we at least know why they chose the wrong way. As I get closer to the end of Rona 3, I am so glad that there has been laughing, crying, nail-biting, etc. Hopefully, it means I’m doing something right.
Until next time…
Rebecca Benston
http://www.theronashivelystories.com
Blog post originally published at http://www.wordpress.com/booksden
A Little Bit of Mystery: Short Mysteries to Confuse and Amuse
