Thoughts for today...writing, living, feeling...

For those of you who don't know, it's been a rough year for my family. We've had several things that didn't quite go our way. The economy sucks, my presidential candidate isn't going forward in the election, gas is too damned expensive and I can't seem to get my frigging car (which I just bought in April) to run from one place to another. These things, on top of a miscarriage and my husband's nine week long recovery from knee surgery were enough to drive me almost completely crazy. It's just been one shit storm after another. So, what keeps me from going completely crackers? Well, I'd have to say that aside from my daughter, my writing is the one thing I can count on to make me happy. No matter what else is going on, I can go to writing and put my feelings, however shitty, down on paper. I can choose to share these thoughts or keep them to myself. I can write angry or I can write happy, it really doesn't matter. The point is, I write.

Times like these make it difficult to concentrate on major writing projects such as my mystery series, but I have found that simply taking the time to jot down notes about what I would like to have happen in my book is a very effective way to gain ground. As a matter of fact, I have recently uncovered several scribblings that I made at various points during the past few months which made wonderful additions to what I am writing. I have written and rewritten Keeping the Faith at least three times now and I'm finally starting to like what I see. It is frustrating for someone like me, a person who hates rough drafts and rewrites, to continually revamp a story. I think, however, that this means I am growing as a writer. At least, that's what I'm telling myself.

I have been saying for the past six months that Keeping the Faith will be ready for publication by this Fall and I am diligently working toward my self-imposed due date. The setbacks have been tough, but I can always come back to the writing after a bad day. It keeps me going and reminds me that there is something in my life over which I have at least a little control. When all else fails, I can decide who lives or dies in my books. I decide who wins and who loses. I can make someone sick, and I can heal that person if I so choose. It's delusion at its finest. Although it doesn't make up for what I have lost in real life, writing does give me an outlet through which I can process the pain and the feelings that sometimes get lost in the daily shuffle. I can say what I need to say in any way I want to say it and this is very important when life is handing you a bunch of lemons.

It's probably obvious to you all that I'm a thinker, one of those analytical, what does it all mean types who drives everyone around me crazy. I love to pick things apart; sometimes I simply can't help myself. I just hope that my analysis of things is at least entertaining enough to keep you reading. If it isn't, I'll still keep writing. Complain if you like, hell, complain even if you don't like to, it's good for you. The point is, if you've got something to say then say it. It matters, even if it only matters to you.

Until next time...



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