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Monday, May 31, 2010

Kindly remove your heart from my sleeve, sir...

Life is too short to bear the burden of someone else's dissatisfaction. Huh? Yeah, that's right. I said it. I'm sick and tired of being miserable because someone else can't figure out how to be happy and out of some twisted kind of respect for them, being afraid to go ahead and do what I already know how to do. This is the absolute tip-top of a massive tower of bullshit.

Throughout our lives, we will encounter people who will somehow, whether on purpose or by accident, wrap us up in their own perceptions of who we are and who we are entitled to become. Our choice is to either follow their recommendations and live the way they say we should or we could listen to our own ideas about what we can and can't do and then actually live our lives. The problem is that once we allow someone to dictate who we are and who we are allowed to become, it takes alot of work to get back to our own ideas. Alot of time, energy, patience, determination and real work.

There's nothing like a life transition to throw you into a swirling mess of anger, frustration, and uncertainty. It's like being flushed down a giant toilet and not knowing which ocean you might eventually end up floating in. Wait, did I just liken myself to a giant turd? See, it's rough. It's even affecting my self-image. Seriously, though, I'm in the middle of a struggle that I had no idea I would be facing at this point in my life. I say I had no idea, because for years, I had resigned myself to the notion that I would always have to put my ideas about who I was on the back burner until someone else was comfortable with them. I couldn't be comfortable with them either until the important people in my life were on board. What a backward way of thinking!

I've been talking about empowerment for years, but lately, not really feeling 100 percent empowered in my own life. I've made lots of changes that I think improved the quality of my life and some that might have made it just a little more difficult than it needed to be. Through it all, I was led to believe that I was being accepted for who I was becoming. But, upon arrival at my destination, I was basically told that I had taken the wrong flight and that if I wanted to go where I was going, I couldn't bring a carry-on. Had I known that originally, I would have taken the bus. What the hell am I talking about? No, I didn't take a trip that went terribly wrong, well, maybe I did.

Metaphorically speaking, I guess I did. What I'm saying is that sometimes our relationships hold us back and we think it's our problem. We're told it's our problem, we're made to believe that we are the ones with the problem. In reality, sometimes it's simply that the other players in our little production are following a different script and refuse to edit where it makes sense. Myself, I was born holding a red ink pin and am willing to slash through whatever looks stupid, sounds stupid or just plain is stupid. And so, here I am. Sitting alone on Memorial Day, typing this absurdly poignant piece of bloggery for you, my readers and feeling somewhat relieved that we had this time together.

Have a wonderful holiday, celebrate with family, remember your loved ones who have passed on, and don't forget to be who you are, no matter who likes it.

Until next time...

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A Little Bit of Mystery: Short Mysteries to Confuse and Amuse

Where I've Been...

Listen to my interview on the Jeffery S. Miller show.

Listen to my interview on Calling All Authors.

Listen to my interview on the Let's Just Talk w/Kathryn Raaker.

Listen to my interview on Radio Free Baxter.

Where I'll Be...

After a short break in the summer, I'll be at the following locations:

8/11/09 Allen Park Public Library, Allen Park, MI 6:30 p.m.

Looking for something entertaining for your library or bookstore patrons? Looking for a fun way to spend a couple of hours? Do you love mysteries? Then you need to schedule a Tea & Mystery event for your library or bookstore! The fee is minimal and the presentation is fun and informative! Attendees will be given the chance to win great prizes and share their thoughts about the mystery genre and their favorite mystery writers!

E-mail me today at for details on how to set up your Tea & Mystery event!

Books by Rebecca Benston

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“You'll find yourself looking forward to more stories from the files of Rona Shively.”

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“Rebecca Benston has written a detective with plenty of suspense…I hope there will be a sequel…”

Annick, Reviewer for Euro-Reviews


“The story is good, the plotting great. Rebecca Benston draws you into the story from the first page. Read the book.”

Lucille P. Robinson, An Alternative Read


“Rebecca Benston’s twists, turns, and descriptions are utterly engaging.”

Tracy, Fallen Angel Reviews


“In The Wash is like a 1930’s film noir detective story that had a modern, edgy twist and a female lead.”

Janet Davies, Once Upon a Romance Reviews


“Under Lock and Key is an enjoyable, fun book! Rona Shively is a delightful character. I loved her off-beat, quirky personality and her outstanding sense of humor.”

Connie Harris,


“Talented author Rebecca Benston shows the reader just how complicated life can get suddenly and how people you thought you knew, aren't who you thought they were.”

Anne K. Edwards,