Out with the old...

Somehow, I'm not sure I like that statement. Out with the old seems to imply that the old simply isn't worth keeping. And since I'm getting older every day, it isn't very smart for me to be so eager to usher out the outdated. In light of this, I decided that this year I wasn't going to make any New Year's resolutions. Instead, I'm going to give an accounting of the things that made the last twelve months meaningful and I'm going to strive toward making even more memories as I venture into this new year. Some of the things that made my list were:

• Attending the Beth Moore Living Proof Conference this summer.
  



• Taking my daughter to a Kari Jobe and KJ-52 concert.
  



• Taking my mother to see Joel Osteen in Cincinnati.
  



• Buying the entire Harry Potter movie collection and watching it as often as possible.
  



• Seeing movies like African Cats, Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer, Kung Fu Panda II, and Diary of a Wimpy Kid II with my daughter.
  



• Going to COSI to see the Dinosaur exhibit and movie and to the Boonshoft Museum so my daughter could see the big constellation display for the first time.
  



• Taking my daughter to the circus for the first time and riding an elephant with her.
  



• Finishing my fifth Rona Shively story, Now You See Me.
  



• Leading my first Bible Study at church.
  



• Having the opportunity to work with a wonderful children’s theater company in Yellow Springs in my very first job as an Executive Director for a non-profit.
  



• Starting a degree program (finally) in Religion at Liberty University.

I had a great year in spite of ending up unemployed and I plan to have an even better year this year. But in order to ensure that I suffer no disappointments, I'm making absolutely no big plans. This is a new thing for me. Usually, I'm sitting there on New Year's Eve with my tablet and my pen in hand, writing up a list of things I need to do. Somewhere around April, I misplace the tablet and from that point on it's all downhill. Of course there are things I plan to do, but nothing along the lines of setting unrealistic expectations for myself and then feeling badly because I don't hit the mark. I've adopted the Rona Shiveliest of attitudes this year and will now be removing this pressure from my life. At least, until I get so frazzled by not having a plan that I have to buckle down and write myself out a big "to do" list.

I hope everyone had a great New Year's and that the next twelve months are full of peace and prosperity for you and yours. If you do find yourself making resolutions, resolve to read all of my Rona Shively books this year. You can get them all for just $50! Proceeds benefit Higher Ground Ministries for women's empowerment.

Until next time....




Subscribe to Benston Blogs by EmailAdd to: Technorati Digg del.icio.us Yahoo BlinkList Spurl reddit Furl

It really can't be over...

Summer, that is. Usually, I spend this time during my year to work on writing, promoting and generally winding down from what I do during the school year. Since I work in an elementary school, I have to fortunate privilege of being on vacation during the summer months. This year, the plan was to have been: finish writing Rona #5, work on revamping my websites, schedule more Tea & Mystery events, and fit in a few moments to get centered. Unfortunately, my summer consisted of the following: moving, going through some very stressful and emotional times, writing just enough to piss myself off, being frustrated, pissing a few others off, starting a new college program and being frustrated with my inability to concentrate, trying to redefine my life, and going back and forth to complete a leftover project that I had to do for work. Generally, I'm upbeat. I like a challenge and I really enjoy staying busy. This year, however; the challenges were not those which I would readily welcome into my life next year. In fact, if I never meet these particular challenges again, that will be just fine with me.

As I look at the next few months, I wonder how it will all work. I'm in classes online that require a great deal of attention. I will be returning to work full-time next Wednesday at a new school this year. My daughter goes back to school the following Wednesday. My divorce will likely be finalized within the next month. I only have about 200 more pages left to write on Rona #5 and the only Tea and Mystery I've been involved in over the past few months has been right here in my living room. Frustrating. Stagnant. Agonizing. The only thing left to do is this: hold a contest!

The winner will receive a complete set of Rona Shively books! In the Wash, Under Lock and Key, Keeping the Faith, and This Side Up! Here's what you have to do to enter: E-mail me your best guess at who is going to die in the next Rona Shively book. If you've read them, you'll know that there are at least five possible victims including Rona herself. I already know the answer of course, but let's see what you're thinking. Send me your guess and I'll pick from the entries to see who gets the prize! It's easy! I'll post the results of all of the guesses I receive on the blog for fun. Someone is going to die, but who will it be? Sleuth it out, people!

A contest is a great way to end the summer, so send your entry to me by August 31st for your chance to win! Until next time...

Subscribe to Benston Blogs by EmailAdd to: | Technorati | Digg | del.icio.us | Yahoo | BlinkList | Spurl | reddit | Furl |

Kindly remove your heart from my sleeve, sir...

Life is too short to bear the burden of someone else's dissatisfaction. Huh? Yeah, that's right. I said it. I'm sick and tired of being miserable because someone else can't figure out how to be happy and out of some twisted kind of respect for them, being afraid to go ahead and do what I already know how to do. This is the absolute tip-top of a massive tower of bullshit.

Throughout our lives, we will encounter people who will somehow, whether on purpose or by accident, wrap us up in their own perceptions of who we are and who we are entitled to become. Our choice is to either follow their recommendations and live the way they say we should or we could listen to our own ideas about what we can and can't do and then actually live our lives. The problem is that once we allow someone to dictate who we are and who we are allowed to become, it takes alot of work to get back to our own ideas. Alot of time, energy, patience, determination and real work.

There's nothing like a life transition to throw you into a swirling mess of anger, frustration, and uncertainty. It's like being flushed down a giant toilet and not knowing which ocean you might eventually end up floating in. Wait, did I just liken myself to a giant turd? See, it's rough. It's even affecting my self-image. Seriously, though, I'm in the middle of a struggle that I had no idea I would be facing at this point in my life. I say I had no idea, because for years, I had resigned myself to the notion that I would always have to put my ideas about who I was on the back burner until someone else was comfortable with them. I couldn't be comfortable with them either until the important people in my life were on board. What a backward way of thinking!

I've been talking about empowerment for years, but lately, not really feeling 100 percent empowered in my own life. I've made lots of changes that I think improved the quality of my life and some that might have made it just a little more difficult than it needed to be. Through it all, I was led to believe that I was being accepted for who I was becoming. But, upon arrival at my destination, I was basically told that I had taken the wrong flight and that if I wanted to go where I was going, I couldn't bring a carry-on. Had I known that originally, I would have taken the bus. What the hell am I talking about? No, I didn't take a trip that went terribly wrong, well, maybe I did.

Metaphorically speaking, I guess I did. What I'm saying is that sometimes our relationships hold us back and we think it's our problem. We're told it's our problem, we're made to believe that we are the ones with the problem. In reality, sometimes it's simply that the other players in our little production are following a different script and refuse to edit where it makes sense. Myself, I was born holding a red ink pin and am willing to slash through whatever looks stupid, sounds stupid or just plain is stupid. And so, here I am. Sitting alone on Memorial Day, typing this absurdly poignant piece of bloggery for you, my readers and feeling somewhat relieved that we had this time together.

Have a wonderful holiday, celebrate with family, remember your loved ones who have passed on, and don't forget to be who you are, no matter who likes it.

Until next time...

Subscribe to Benston Blogs by EmailAdd to: | Technorati | Digg | del.icio.us | Yahoo | BlinkList | Spurl | reddit | Furl |

Long time, no post...

It's been almost a month since my last post and I'm really forcing myself to sit down and write this one. You see, it's been a rough month. On May 1st, I moved out of my husband's home and set out to live on my own. I took my daughter, my cats, and my stuff and that was that. The move had been a long time coming and didn't seem to make sense to some people who thought that everything in our marriage was just peachy. But in so many ways, it was clear that we had become two people who were moving along on very different paths and in directions opposite one another.

Why write this now? Well, because I'm sitting here and I'm wondering what to do with myself and writing seemed like a good option. I'm not going to go into great detail about our differences here. The point I'm trying to make with this post is that sometimes, things just aren't meant to be. Like for instance, I have been trying and trying and trying to write this book on Women's Self-Esteem for the last three years or so. Every time I got started on it, I would stall. I couldn't get past the fact that I was feeling so unempowered in my own relationships that I had no business writing anything to empower anyone else.

I'm not sure if the changes I have made in my life will make a difference in my ability to go back and finish that book or not, but I'm sure they will play a huge role in my decision to keep or scrap the whole thing. And who knows? Maybe I just liked the idea of writing something like that because I needed to feel empowered. Maybe that isn't the book I'm supposed to write. Maybe I'm meant to write something altogether different from what I once thought I needed to say. I know one thing; forcing the issue doesn't make it any easier to write the words. Just like forcing myself to stay married didn't make it any easier to love my husband.

There are things we hold onto, for whatever reason, that sometimes only serve to give us a good excuse not to be what we are meant to be. If we allow ourselves to remain stuck in the belief that the idea we had about ourselves years ago is still the best idea even after years of changes, triumphs, defeats, achievements, failures, ups, downs, losses and gains, then we will never move any further along our paths than where we once stood. And we'll stand there, gazing longingly into the great beyond wondering what the hell we're doing still standing there.

I for one, hate standing still. I try to be a good person and do what makes others happy. Sometimes, though, it isn't possible to make everyone happy no matter how many ways you twist yourself up. Sometimes, you just have to let it all unravel and see what you can make from the pieces once it's all been disassembled. I figure I'll approach it like the guy on Airplane! who looks at his newspaper and says, "I can make a hat. I can make a brooch..." Seems like an optimistic way to go and a hell of a lot more fun that what I've been having lately.

Hanging in there until next time. ;)


Subscribe to Benston Blogs by EmailAdd to: | Technorati | Digg | del.icio.us | Yahoo | BlinkList | Spurl | reddit | Furl |

What, no comment?

I've been on a bit of a hiatus, but figured that now was as good a time as any to post something. Over the past month or so, I've been trying to make some changes in my life. I've been trying to reconnect with God after an extended period of estrangement. It's been long overdue and I'm glad that I've finally taken some steps in the right direction. What does this mean to you? Well, probably not nearly what it means to me, but I wanted to take a moment to fill you in anyway.

Part of this journey involves curbing my natural bent toward profanity and being such a hater. Granted, this has been challenging. I've always had a way with words, especially the bad ones. And, I am sometimes quick to say something not so nice about someone whom I feel has issues. Whether I've been right or wrong in some of the things I've said, I feel that I probably could have said alot of it much more lovingly. Don't worry, though. I am not losing my edge. I'm just dulling it a little so that it won't cut quite so deep.

In a bizarre coincidence, just as I'm trying to be a kinder, gentler Rebecca Benston, I get a notification in my inbox this morning from Associate Content. A couple of years ago, I wrote an article about my former publisher, PublishAmerica. I was tired of hearing comments from people who wanted to bash the publisher and any writer who had found themselves under contract with them. I've received a few good comments over the years and today, I got one that really tested my ability to act in a Godly manner. Here is the comment:

Wow. Publish America a legit publisher? that's perhaps the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. Publish America is a Vanity publisher that will put into print, any incoherent nonsense that happens to be written. it is for hacks who have some inflated self worth and believe that commercial publishers, who have rejected them, have done so unjustly. if you get published by PA, you aren't even a writer. you're just someone with a computer who managed to string a few sentences together. I could have a monkey tap dance across my keyboard for 2 hours and come up with something PA would publish. if you are so untalented that you have to use PA to publish, I'm embarrassed for you. Do your homework.

lisa miller

My poor tongue has permanent indentations from the biting it endured after reading this one. I was especially bothered by this woman's refusal to use a capital letter. Fortunately, though, my fingers were able to respond by sending her a nice response which I'll share with you here:

Ms. Miller, I'm not going to go into great detail to explain my position on this. I'll just say that PA was a great starting point for me and that it is not a vanity press. I'm not sure why you feel the need to attack writers who choose PA, perhaps you had a bad experience with them or maybe they actually rejected something you sent them. Whatever the case, I wish you well and hope that you can get a handle on whatever it is that has caused you to be so bitter. By the way, what do you write? I'm interested in checking out your work so that I can see how a real writer does it.

Note, I used no profanity and I think I was fairly tactful. Considering what I really wanted to say, this was actually quite remarkable. In any case, it never ceases to amaze me how some people can spend so much time in bitterness that they would actually take the time to spew such hatred at someone they have never met or had any kind of interaction with. I don't know this person. Or at least, the name doesn't ring a bell. I thought to myself, "Did I cut this woman off in traffic? Did I maybe date her husband in high school or something?" For all I know it's the Navin Johnson curse. She probably just picked my name out of the phone book or something and decided to attack.

The point is, a few months ago my response may have included a couple of choice words and I would have been angry. Today, I feel like I've said what I needed to say and now, I can go to church.

Happy Sunday, all!


Subscribe to Benston Blogs by Email


Add to: | Technorati | Digg | del.icio.us | Yahoo | BlinkList | Spurl | reddit | Furl |

Going gray...hurray!

Is it possible to feel younger once you see the telltale signs of getting older? For example, while drying my hair today, I noticed that I am starting to see a few gray hairs. It got me thinking. My mother doesn't even have gray hair or at least I can't see any. Granted, my hair is dark and they show up a lot better than they do in my mother's blonde hair. My mother acts a hell of a lot younger than I do, so maybe that's why. Who knows? The point of all of this babbling is this: The gray hairs didn't make me feel old.

A couple of years ago as I was approaching 35, I felt like a very old, very out of touch, very not with it aging hag. Sounds harsh, I know, but this is how I felt. It was completely unreasonable and probably not warranted, however, I just couldn't shake the feeling that I was not aging well. I had lots of things on my mind and had convinced myself that I had to have reached a certain place in my life when I turned 35. I should have finished college, settled down some, had a great job, etc. Although I had actually done all of these things, I just wasn't satisfied. In the course of getting all of these things done, I had almost completely forgotten how to have fun.

Sure, I still went out to sing karaoke on the rare occasions when my husband and I could get a sitter for our daughter. We also managed to do a few fun things as a family, but there was all of this stress. This bunch of crap that made the fun almost too much of a chore to bother with. So, as you might have guessed, we made some changes or at least I did. I started trying to find ways to get in touch with the old me. Well, not the "old" me, but the previous me. The one I used to actually like. I started trying to make time for my own hobbies and things that used to make me happy. Before long, these little steps added up to one big shift in my attitude. By the time I turned 36 this year, I felt much better about life. Granted, I still have some days, as every woman does, when I feel like an old hag. The difference now is that I'm actually looking forward to turning forty. The gray hairs made me smile a little because I know now that they aren't going to mean I can't be myself. They just mean I'll look more distinguished while I'm being me. ;)

Until next time...



Subscribe to Benston Blogs by Email

Benston Blogs Lightens Up

You may have noticed that the atmosphere over here is a little "lighter." I decided it was time to ditch the dark background and opt for a more upbeat theme. I hope that you will like the changes.

There will also be changes in the type of content I write here. Since I pretty much write about whatever is on my mind, you may have noticed that I cover lots of topics in a given month. That was getting to be a little tiresome, so I'm going to try and hone down my range of topics so that it all begins to make a little more sense. Just one more thing I want to do for my readers. ;)

In addition to news about my mystery series, I'll be including some tidbits about my experiences with writing and how I've tried to overcome some of the obstacles that writers encounter. That's really the point of the blog, isn't it?

Until next time...



Subscribe to Benston Blogs by Email