It's been almost a month since my last post and I'm really forcing myself to sit down and write this one. You see, it's been a rough month. On May 1st, I moved out of my husband's home and set out to live on my own. I took my daughter, my cats, and my stuff and that was that. The move had been a long time coming and didn't seem to make sense to some people who thought that everything in our marriage was just peachy. But in so many ways, it was clear that we had become two people who were moving along on very different paths and in directions opposite one another.
Why write this now? Well, because I'm sitting here and I'm wondering what to do with myself and writing seemed like a good option. I'm not going to go into great detail about our differences here. The point I'm trying to make with this post is that sometimes, things just aren't meant to be. Like for instance, I have been trying and trying and trying to write this book on Women's Self-Esteem for the last three years or so. Every time I got started on it, I would stall. I couldn't get past the fact that I was feeling so unempowered in my own relationships that I had no business writing anything to empower anyone else.
I'm not sure if the changes I have made in my life will make a difference in my ability to go back and finish that book or not, but I'm sure they will play a huge role in my decision to keep or scrap the whole thing. And who knows? Maybe I just liked the idea of writing something like that because I needed to feel empowered. Maybe that isn't the book I'm supposed to write. Maybe I'm meant to write something altogether different from what I once thought I needed to say. I know one thing; forcing the issue doesn't make it any easier to write the words. Just like forcing myself to stay married didn't make it any easier to love my husband.
There are things we hold onto, for whatever reason, that sometimes only serve to give us a good excuse not to be what we are meant to be. If we allow ourselves to remain stuck in the belief that the idea we had about ourselves years ago is still the best idea even after years of changes, triumphs, defeats, achievements, failures, ups, downs, losses and gains, then we will never move any further along our paths than where we once stood. And we'll stand there, gazing longingly into the great beyond wondering what the hell we're doing still standing there.
I for one, hate standing still. I try to be a good person and do what makes others happy. Sometimes, though, it isn't possible to make everyone happy no matter how many ways you twist yourself up. Sometimes, you just have to let it all unravel and see what you can make from the pieces once it's all been disassembled. I figure I'll approach it like the guy on Airplane! who looks at his newspaper and says, "I can make a hat. I can make a brooch..." Seems like an optimistic way to go and a hell of a lot more fun that what I've been having lately.
Hanging in there until next time. ;)
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Saturday, May 22, 2010
Long time, no post...
Monday, April 20, 2009
I don't have all of the answers...
but I've got a few of them. I recently came across an article in one of the online newsletters (Writers Online Workshops) to which I subscribe about the "Five Hard Questions You Must Answer to Succeed" as a writer. I pondered them for a moment and figured, what the hell, I'll give it a shot. So, here are my answers:
Five Hard Questions You Must Answer to Succeed
Who are your favorite authors and why? Lisa Scottoline because she writes about real people and real problems. She also happens to be a wonderful person and I'm truly inspired by her. Janet Evanovich because she explains things in plain English. She doesn't try to fancy it up and she knows what she's talking about. Aside from her Stephanie Plum series, I truly enjoyed her "How I Write" book and use it as a guide in my own writing. J.A. Konrath because he's a fun and talented writer who can really give you the creeps. And I mean that in the most complimentary way. Sarah Strohmeyer for making a character that is so likable in her Bubbles Yablonski books.
What do they do that grabs your attention and keeps you turning pages? It's a combination of being able to relate to what's happening and having felt a connection to what the author is saying. Some writers grab you with their first sentence and you just know that you want to keep going. If it takes twenty pages for me to connect with a writer, then I just can't spend the time reading them.
What keeps you coming back to your favorite genres? The characters. I believe that we create a relationship with our favorite characters and we look forward to finding out what they are doing with each new story. That's what draws me to mystery series. You get to shadow your favorite P.I. or Amateur Sleuth while they figure it all out and you don't even have to dodge the bullets. It's great for those who like to live vicariously through more adventurous types.
What compels you to write fiction/ memoir/ poetry? It gives me somewhere to vent mostly. If I have something I want to say, I can say it through my characters and get my point across without sounding like I'm preaching. I have a few pet causes that I love to talk about, one being women's empowerment. I hope that through my characters, I am showing women in a positive light and in a way that makes them feel more empowered to speak their minds.
How will you make sure that your own work grabs and keeps your readers' attention every bit as well as your own favorites capture you? I'll keep it real...and not like Dave Chappelle real...just true. The emotions of the characters need to come from the same place they come from for me. I don't want to read about how it should feel to experience something and then try to paint that into my storyline in some attempt to be politically correct. If something feels like hell, I want to say it and make the reader understand that pain. Sometimes, things aren't pretty and I think it's important to show characters warts and all. I hope that I am always able to do that in my writing.
This was a fun exercise. I'm always surprised to find out something new about myself when I answer questions like these. Then again, I seem to surprise myself all of the time. But that's another post.
Until next time...
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Thursday, January 15, 2009
Brain closings...???
I usually enjoy winter, but this season has me frustrated. Although the snow is beautiful when we get enough of it to cover the mud, it creates this sense of stop and start that effectively prevents me from being able to do anything productive. For someone like me, this falls under the heading of mild torture. When I can't sit down and work on something for a good chunk of time, I hesitate to even begin a project. Even when I have time to do something, I can't focus because I'm waiting to hear if I'm going to need to be somewhere. I simply can't plan around this weather. Thus, my disgust with snowstorms and the whole ordeal of waiting for information on weather related closings.
This problem seems to be more profound now that I am working for our city schools. I just can't get myself motivated to do anything when I'm waiting for more information about whether or not my school is closed. Instead of being able to spend my two-hour delays being productive, I seem to be hooked on watching for more information, effectively trying to will a closing to occur. And that's not the worst of it, it's like I lose brain cells when I'm watching that little ticker flashing closings across the bottom of the television screen. "Must watch for closings," is pretty much imprinted on my cerebral cortex if that's at all possible. There is no room for fiction writing, not even a story about a snow day comes to mind.
So you see, while the weather may not have closed my school, it seems to have closed my brain for the day. I'm surprised I could remember my passwords to check my e-mail. Until I hear that we're either closed or that the roads are really clear, I get no rest. I'm wrapped up in a cycle of worry and anticipation that blocks all creativity.
Of course, I'm exaggerating the point a bit, but the overall effect of this weather has been to stall me in my tracks with regards to how much writing I'm getting done. One would think that a day home from school would mean pages and pages of prize winning material...well, ok, maybe not prize winning, but page-filling. How about that? If only my words could accumulate as quickly as the snow has, then we'd be getting somewhere.
THIS JUST IN...In the time it took me to put this post together, I received the call! We're closed today! Now, I've got all of this pressure to write...geez, I'm never satisfied.
Until next time...
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Thursday, January 8, 2009
Do writers get sick days?
Since I basically work for myself in terms of my writing life, I guess the answer to that question is "yes." The bigger question is, "Will a writer actually take one?" I've been battling some kind of upper respiratory bug since before Christmas and the bug seems to be winning. Although I just spent the last two weeks working like crazy on promotional items, short stories and other efforts, I still feel the need to be working on something even when my head feels like it could literally, roll right off of my shoulders.
Taking a sick day gives you the time you need to recharge and as an added bonus, you can justify not spending every waking moment thinking about what you have to do on the very basis of the fact that you are taking a sick day. In spite of this, I have a real problem with being anywhere near my laptop and not working on something. Sure, I feel guilty any time I call in sick to my job as a librarian, but I can't seem to let myself call in completely sick to being a writer. It's like being a mom. Even when you're sick, you're still expected to be a mom and take care of every little thing that your child might need. It's a given.
To me, working on my writing and promoting my writing is what feels normal. It's what feels like home. When I can't do this, I feel disconnected; out of sorts. That feeling only adds to the crappiness of being sick. The problem is that by not allowing myself to rest from my writing, I only get worse. I go from being sick to being SICK. And then when I'm coughing my head off and feeling downright crummy as I have been for the past couple of weeks, I can't seem to remember what I was writing about from one moment to the next. This makes me feel like a big idiot and I really hate feeling like any size of an idiot.
That said, I have to admit that today, instead of getting up and heading for the computer, I stayed in bed until 10 a.m. for the first time in years. It felt good to rest for a change and I'm trying to lay low for the rest of today so that I can be better for tomorrow. I know that if I don't, I'll never be able to get back to what I love doing; the writing. So, as I hit the publish button on this post, I'm going to get ready for yet another nap. No e-mails, no tweets, just sleep.
How do you recharge when you've run yourself into the ground with writing, promotion, networking, etc.? Help your fellow writers out by commenting with your best tips here.
Until next time...
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A Little Bit of Mystery: Short Mysteries to Confuse and Amuse
