What, no comment?

I've been on a bit of a hiatus, but figured that now was as good a time as any to post something. Over the past month or so, I've been trying to make some changes in my life. I've been trying to reconnect with God after an extended period of estrangement. It's been long overdue and I'm glad that I've finally taken some steps in the right direction. What does this mean to you? Well, probably not nearly what it means to me, but I wanted to take a moment to fill you in anyway.

Part of this journey involves curbing my natural bent toward profanity and being such a hater. Granted, this has been challenging. I've always had a way with words, especially the bad ones. And, I am sometimes quick to say something not so nice about someone whom I feel has issues. Whether I've been right or wrong in some of the things I've said, I feel that I probably could have said alot of it much more lovingly. Don't worry, though. I am not losing my edge. I'm just dulling it a little so that it won't cut quite so deep.

In a bizarre coincidence, just as I'm trying to be a kinder, gentler Rebecca Benston, I get a notification in my inbox this morning from Associate Content. A couple of years ago, I wrote an article about my former publisher, PublishAmerica. I was tired of hearing comments from people who wanted to bash the publisher and any writer who had found themselves under contract with them. I've received a few good comments over the years and today, I got one that really tested my ability to act in a Godly manner. Here is the comment:

Wow. Publish America a legit publisher? that's perhaps the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. Publish America is a Vanity publisher that will put into print, any incoherent nonsense that happens to be written. it is for hacks who have some inflated self worth and believe that commercial publishers, who have rejected them, have done so unjustly. if you get published by PA, you aren't even a writer. you're just someone with a computer who managed to string a few sentences together. I could have a monkey tap dance across my keyboard for 2 hours and come up with something PA would publish. if you are so untalented that you have to use PA to publish, I'm embarrassed for you. Do your homework.

lisa miller

My poor tongue has permanent indentations from the biting it endured after reading this one. I was especially bothered by this woman's refusal to use a capital letter. Fortunately, though, my fingers were able to respond by sending her a nice response which I'll share with you here:

Ms. Miller, I'm not going to go into great detail to explain my position on this. I'll just say that PA was a great starting point for me and that it is not a vanity press. I'm not sure why you feel the need to attack writers who choose PA, perhaps you had a bad experience with them or maybe they actually rejected something you sent them. Whatever the case, I wish you well and hope that you can get a handle on whatever it is that has caused you to be so bitter. By the way, what do you write? I'm interested in checking out your work so that I can see how a real writer does it.

Note, I used no profanity and I think I was fairly tactful. Considering what I really wanted to say, this was actually quite remarkable. In any case, it never ceases to amaze me how some people can spend so much time in bitterness that they would actually take the time to spew such hatred at someone they have never met or had any kind of interaction with. I don't know this person. Or at least, the name doesn't ring a bell. I thought to myself, "Did I cut this woman off in traffic? Did I maybe date her husband in high school or something?" For all I know it's the Navin Johnson curse. She probably just picked my name out of the phone book or something and decided to attack.

The point is, a few months ago my response may have included a couple of choice words and I would have been angry. Today, I feel like I've said what I needed to say and now, I can go to church.

Happy Sunday, all!


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Stop being so angry…

My new job has given me lots to think about these past few weeks. In short, some people I've met have given me reason to spout off a little. I won't say exactly why, but after reading this, you'll probably understand:

If you have a child, if you watch a child, if you are around children at all on a regular basis, you need to hear this. I firmly believe that kids take every word we say and store it in their little memory banks until they can find a context where those phrases make sense. The ones they hear most often are the ones that start to mold their very existence and dictate the direction of their lives. So, that being said, I think that especially in cases where your main audience is a child or several children, if you don’t have anything good to say, then don’t say anything at all.

I’m not saying that discipline should not be applied when necessary. I’m saying that every interaction you have with a child should not be your opportunity to vent about the things in your life that make you unhappy. If you don’t like your job, that’s not a child’s fault. It’s yours. If you don’t like your spouse, that’s not your child’s fault. It’s yours. If your life isn’t working out according to plan or due to lack of plan, that is not a child’s fault. It’s, well, you guessed it…it’s your own fault.

When a child hears the same angry or negative messages over and over, they begin to attach those messages to their own character. There can’t possibly be any other reason why someone would be so negative towards me, so I must be bad. This is how the child processes your anger. This is not fair. If you find yourself continuously unhappy, you need to make some changes in the way you process things. And especially in the way you treat those around you.

Okay, I'm done. Until next time...

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