Life is too short to bear the burden of someone else's dissatisfaction. Huh? Yeah, that's right. I said it. I'm sick and tired of being miserable because someone else can't figure out how to be happy and out of some twisted kind of respect for them, being afraid to go ahead and do what I already know how to do. This is the absolute tip-top of a massive tower of bullshit.
Throughout our lives, we will encounter people who will somehow, whether on purpose or by accident, wrap us up in their own perceptions of who we are and who we are entitled to become. Our choice is to either follow their recommendations and live the way they say we should or we could listen to our own ideas about what we can and can't do and then actually live our lives. The problem is that once we allow someone to dictate who we are and who we are allowed to become, it takes alot of work to get back to our own ideas. Alot of time, energy, patience, determination and real work.
There's nothing like a life transition to throw you into a swirling mess of anger, frustration, and uncertainty. It's like being flushed down a giant toilet and not knowing which ocean you might eventually end up floating in. Wait, did I just liken myself to a giant turd? See, it's rough. It's even affecting my self-image. Seriously, though, I'm in the middle of a struggle that I had no idea I would be facing at this point in my life. I say I had no idea, because for years, I had resigned myself to the notion that I would always have to put my ideas about who I was on the back burner until someone else was comfortable with them. I couldn't be comfortable with them either until the important people in my life were on board. What a backward way of thinking!
I've been talking about empowerment for years, but lately, not really feeling 100 percent empowered in my own life. I've made lots of changes that I think improved the quality of my life and some that might have made it just a little more difficult than it needed to be. Through it all, I was led to believe that I was being accepted for who I was becoming. But, upon arrival at my destination, I was basically told that I had taken the wrong flight and that if I wanted to go where I was going, I couldn't bring a carry-on. Had I known that originally, I would have taken the bus. What the hell am I talking about? No, I didn't take a trip that went terribly wrong, well, maybe I did.
Metaphorically speaking, I guess I did. What I'm saying is that sometimes our relationships hold us back and we think it's our problem. We're told it's our problem, we're made to believe that we are the ones with the problem. In reality, sometimes it's simply that the other players in our little production are following a different script and refuse to edit where it makes sense. Myself, I was born holding a red ink pin and am willing to slash through whatever looks stupid, sounds stupid or just plain is stupid. And so, here I am. Sitting alone on Memorial Day, typing this absurdly poignant piece of bloggery for you, my readers and feeling somewhat relieved that we had this time together.
Have a wonderful holiday, celebrate with family, remember your loved ones who have passed on, and don't forget to be who you are, no matter who likes it.
Until next time...
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Monday, May 31, 2010
Kindly remove your heart from my sleeve, sir...
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Day Seven-A slight detour into the world of marital infidelity...
I was in the middle of trying to come up with more that I could write about the de-cluttering process when I stumbled across this little gem: An article on Life Script about why men cheat. Aside from being one of the reasons why I'm not doing so well attacking my de-cluttering project, stopping to read this little nugget really did alot to just piss me off. I decided, in my infinite wisdom to address the reasons listed by offering some additional information on each one. Please enjoy my analysis:
Why They Cheat
"The No.1 reason: Men crave sexual “variety,” according to David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating."~Okay, Mr. Buss, you must be out of your mind to think that this is a valid reason. Craving sexual variety is just a fancy way of saying that the man is a skank who can't be trusted to share his sexual needs and preferences with his wife. If he craves variety, then he should buy a book or something and ask his wife to help him act out some of those fantasies. There is no good reason for a man to ever stray from his wife for sexual gratification.
Buss goes on, with the virtual face-slapping, to say, "They’ve evolved the desire to be with different women,” he says. He justifies this statement by saying, "That’s because it’s very simple for men to reproduce (one act of sex versus nine months of pregnancy for women), so to create as many offspring as possible they’re biologically programmed to mate with many women." Oh dear Lord, it's really a good thing I'm not anywhere near this man, lest I slap him in his eye.
Let's go on to some of the other excuses, shall we. They are doozies.
1. She ain’t what she used to be.
Like Adam, the typical man can’t resist the temptation of riper fruit, especially if the woman in his life has let herself go.~She's let herself go? What the hell? How many men out there do you see with beer bellies and thinning hair that do nothing more to improve themselves than to lay on the couch and watch documentaries about things they have no ambition towards, nor would they have the energy to attack should they find themselves standing upright. She's let herself go, indeed. She let herself go the minute she married you. She needs to let herself go...straight to a lawyer.
In his infinite wisdom, another author cited in this article offers several more excuses. "Ninety-nine percent of the time, there’s a simple reason why: boredom,” says Steve Santagati, author of The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date and Mate – and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top.
2. No one loves a ball buster.
Perhaps nothing will drive a married man into the arms of another woman faster than a nagging wife. “She’s like a mosquito,” Santagati says. “He doesn’t want to have sex with her; he wants to [swat her away].”~I have only one thing to say to this, "You loved her enough to marry her, wuss!"
3. She just doesn’t “get” me.
Men who cheat say they don’t feel understood by their mate. But it’s not always the woman. Mostly they’re either angry or afraid to connect.~Well, I do have to agree on this one...sometimes, they just can't be gotten. But how do you account for the fact that most of these cheaters have no problem telling their mistresses all about their troubles instead of confiding in the one woman who is supposed to be their best friend? How do you explain that one?
4. It’s the thrill.
Most guys who have affairs are getting in touch with their inner caveman: They like to play with fire. “It adds a level of danger,” Santagati says, “and danger adds to the excitement.”~Guys, you need to really get over yourselves. You are not, no matter how many times you have seen Octopussy, international spies. Please stick to living vicariously through the many James Bond movie marathons that are shown on television throughout the year. If you want a thrill, go ride a roller coaster, not some other woman.
5. Blame it on the “hunter.”
Often, married men who cheat can’t quite explain their motivation. They just find themselves compelled to bust out of their day-to-day routine in search of something new. It’s a primitive instinct that dates back to their role as hunter and gatherer – only this time, they’re hunting and gathering new women.~Are you kidding me? I don't see many men hanging photos of the women they've slept with on their walls the way they hang those ugly ass deer heads up there. Hunter-gatherer, my ass.
6. Biology, baby.
“It’s our biological nature to be with as many females as possible,” Santagati says.~Then it's in your nature to remain single.
7. It’s just sex.
For most guys, sex and love are two entirely different things.~Yes, like laundry and clothing are two separate things. Are you stupid?
8. Not tonight, dear.
Let’s face it. Men want more sex than women.~If they had to put up with the same crap that their wives do, they wouldn't want sex, either. Since when did marriage equal a free pass to exciting, ever-available sex? Especially when you have children. Men who don't get sex when they want it act as though they're spoiled children who didn't get the toy they asked for at Christmastime. Grow up, please! Sometimes you don't get everything you want.
9. Because we can.
Ok, we’re guys, remember? It’s hard to resist temptation, especially when it’s at our fingertips.~Check, please!
Well, there you have it. The reasons why men cheat and why we should be mad as hell about them. Ladies, you have my sympathy.
Until next time...
Information for this stunning rebuttal post was taken from the article at LifeScript.com, 9 Reasons Why Men Cheat: Is He Being Unfaithful to You?
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Monday, October 29, 2007
My 50th post...
What to say? What to say? Well, I guess I will go with more of the same. I'm still reading several books that I think you might find interesting. Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin is still holding my interest. It's not that long of a book, but I tend to have limited pockets of time during which I can sit and read. Browsing through non-fiction books seems to work better for me than trying to read through the latest book by my favorite fiction writers. Luckily, there are audiobooks. Without these, I might never get to hear the latest Lisa Scottoline or Janet Evanovich stories.
Right now, I have several "browsing" books on hand. The first is called, Never Shower in a Thunderstorm: Surprising Facts and Misleading Myths About Our Health and the World We Live In by Anahad O'Connor. O'Connor is the "Really?" columnist for The New York Times. If that prompts you to ask "Really?" then you've got bigger issues than I can help you with. Anyway, this book is about dispelling myths such as "Does the Spanish Fly really exist?" or "Does grilled meat cause cancer?" or the title question of "Do you risk electrocution if you shower during a thunderstorm?" Intriguing? Yes. I picked a few at random and here's what I found:
The explanations given in this book are too involved for me to share here. I was going to dispell a few choice myths for you, but then decided that it really wouldn't be cool for me to spill the beans. Sorry if I got your hopes up on this one. My advice would be that if you are really interested in things like this, it wouldn't hurt to pick this one up. The book has tons of great statistics and so forth and would probably make a great gift for the inquisitive types on your Christmas list.
The second book I am looking at right now is called The Wish List by Barbara Ann Kipfer. I like this one because I am always looking for interesting things to want to do. Not necessarily to do, but just to want to do. It doesn't hurt to keep your dreams fresh. For example, I know that I am not likely to find myself in a situation where I am swimming with dolphins. For one thing, I'm terrified of deep water and big fish. For another, I don't trust them. Although they are built up to be this wonderful mammal (I guess) that wouldn't harm a human being, I don't trust any animal that can do the things that dolphins can do. Hell, I'm not even sure what they can do, but they kind of creep me out. In any case, this didn't stop me from putting "swim with dolphins" on my list of things I might like to do at some point during my life. Kipfer's list includes this and other crazy things like visiting all of the Major League Baseball stadiums in the U.S., tasting the native foods of every region on earth, and even flirting with Paul Newman. The book makes for interesting conversation with those around you and it gives you something to think about other than the usual lists of things you have to do to keep your household running. My new list, for example, includes learn how to read music, truly understand football instead of just watching in hopes of seeing a fight break out, and having dinner with three of my favorite men, Bob Barker, Richard Dawson and William Shatner. Can you imagine the conversation at this table? What a dream come true this would be! I might have to add James Garner to this list, too. After all, that's what wish lists are for. If you get a chance, pick this little book up and carry it around with you. Wishing is good for the soul.
In my never-ending quest for knowledge, I have also stumbled upon several good books about organizing your home. I have so much crap that I work with on a daily basis that it is sometimes difficult for me to keep everything tidy. I found 1000 Best Quick and Easy Organizing Secrets by Jamie Novak to be very helpful. Novak is the founder of Clutterproofing products. This is trademarked, but I couldn't figure out how to put the little symbol beside it, so I'll just have to spell it out. In any case, the book gives an itemized list of things you can do to make each area of your home and your life a little more organized. I have been using some of these and I have to say, I'm impressed. Several of these have been very helpful and I'm only halfway through the list. If you are into organizing, check this one out!
As usual, I'm always looking for inspiration and I have a few standard passages that I like to read from time to time to keep me grounded. Cynthia Kersey's book, Unstoppable has been a motivating force in my life since I found it years ago. I often pick this one up and read through it until I find the one that fits where I am in my journey. For today, I will share this poem:
Often your tasks will be many,
And more than you think you can do...
Often the road will be rugged
and the hills insurmountable, too...
But always remember, the hills ahead
are never as steep as they seem.
and with faith in your heart start upward
and climb 'til you reach your dream.
For nothing in life that is worthy
is ever too hard to achieve
if you have the faith to try it
and you have the faith to believe
For faith is a force that is greater
than knowledge or power or skill
and many defeats turn to triumph
if you trust in god's wisdom and will...
For faith is a mover of mountains.
There's nothing that god cannot do.
So start out today with faith in your heart
and climb 'til your dream comes true!
Helen Steiner Rice
Climb 'Til Your Dream Comes True
If that doesn't motivate you, try a couple more cups of coffee and check back with me later. Try to have a good day and possibly, a good week. Until next time...
A Little Bit of Mystery: Short Mysteries to Confuse and Amuse
