No offense, but do men get this?

Unlike animals whose quest for happiness is restricted to survival and to the immediate gratification of sensory desires, we human beings have the capacity to experience happiness at a deeper level which, when achieved, can overwhelm unhappy experiences.

- His Holiness the Dalai Lama

I ask the question only because I've never seen evidence that they do. Women seem to always be trying to reach a level of happiness that is somehow deeper than what men are content with reaching. It's the whole, 'give 'em a beer and a steak and they'll be happy' mentality. You'll know by the grunting. It sounds terrible and somewhat prejudicial, but as a woman, I've noticed that the men I have known were never really interested in doing more than scratching the surface or simply scratching...when it came to happiness. They were okay with just being content. Perhaps this is why relationships are so difficult. Women are always trying to dig in deeper and men are always trying to hover near the surface.

Unless there is some Zen-like euphoria that comes over you when you are gutting a deer, I'm not sure that men care to get as happy as they can possibly be unless they are in bed. And I don't think that qualifies as a Higher Purpose even though some men would swear that they are performing on the level of a god here. How many retreats or workshops have you seen that focus on men's self-esteem? Is this because men have all of the self-esteem they need or is it because it simply isn't a priority for them to live their lives to the fullest?

I realize that women and men are different in many ways and that men have a whole other way of looking at life than we women do. I just don't understand how their value system works. Why is it so easy for a man to drop the kids off at school and simply walk away without a second thought? Why is it so easy for a man to cheat on his wife and then look her in the eye and swear that he didn't? Why is it so easy for a man to be content with living below their potential and allowing someone else to be the go-getter? Are there men out there for whom this is not true? Is it a regional phenomenon or possibly just specific to my little piece of the universe?

I'm truly curious. Other than a Buddhist monk, what man do you know that is truly seeking their highest potential? I'm not talking about the creative types who are chasing after celebrity. That's generally all about ego and hoping to gain groupies or some other bullshit like that. I'm talking honest-to-goodness, on-a-spiritual-quest, looking for fulfillment in this life, depth. If you know of men like this, please share it with us. And for God's sake, don't forget to include a photo and phone number. ;)

Until next time...


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No Regrets...

I see surveys on MySpace all of the time asking questions like, "What are you wearing today?" or "What's your favorite food?" Today, I actually saw something on there that made me think. Generally, I don't do regrets. I'm not the type of person who sits and thinks about what I should have done. I take all of my mistakes as indicators of effort and of lessons in how I should approach the issue the next time around. This question, however, made me think back to a time in my life that was a little difficult to recall. The question was "If you could relive one day in your life, what day would it be and why?" This one was difficult for me because there is actually one day in my life when a decision I made was rather pivotal. I'm not really able to discuss the particulars here, but I got to thinking about all of the ripple effects from that one set of decisions and it was a little depressing.

For a moment, I felt bad. I started thinking about missed opportunities and the things I put myself through as a result of that one decision. But then I remembered that everything I have done has led up to this moment. If I had taken a different path, I might not have ended up here with a husband and daughter whom I could not live without. I might not have ended up here, talking to you about the things that I find interesting. I might not have ever finished writing one book, much less two and I certainly might not have finished college. I hadn't realized that so many "mistakes" could bring you to a place where you are content. My point is this: Don't waste your time with regrets. They only serve to make you discount the achievements you have had in your life. Regrets do not allow you to understand the moves you have made, they only serve to blind you to your strengths. Don't look back on what you have or haven't done with regret. Look forward to what you can do with a sense of hope.

Until next time...